Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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