I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
