If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
