Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
This house was built for laser tag.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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