Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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