make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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