and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
