I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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