Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
