I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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