there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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