The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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