went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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