just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
