i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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