i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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