This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Randomize
