I don't usually arrange sex via text message
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
