Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
