Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
