then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
