I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
