I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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