I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
