did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I wear drunk well.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize