life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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