you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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