Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
