Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
