is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
