Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
