when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
