You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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