why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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