The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
