So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
