I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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