I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
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