Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
