Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
