He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
