the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
