I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
We are all done wearing pants today
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
