One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Randomize
