Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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