oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
