i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Randomize
