I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
where are my eyebrows?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
