i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
