Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(305): View more from Florida

He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.

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(614): View more from Ohio

It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.

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(910): View more from North Carolina

This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.

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(515): View more from Iowa

So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.

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(317): View more from Indiana

having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween

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(409): View more from Texas

The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.

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(615): View more from Tennessee

Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.

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(210): View more from Texas

"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!

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(802): View more from Vermont

Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome

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