do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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