Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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