"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
