Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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