Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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