ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Girls should come with a carfax report
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
