I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
