ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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