areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
