Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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