He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
