I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
