smell my finger.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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