I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
