Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
