Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
