I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
