had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
