so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
