I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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