Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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