She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
