I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
